08. - 03, - 2026,
oh the people you’ll meet!
telegraphs2
21. - 03, - 2026,
Remembering the first time i listened to music through headphones in public
27. - 03, - 2026,
Final Thoughts for Edition II
27.03.2026 FINAL THOUGHTS FOR EDITION II OF TELEGRAPHS FROM CLOUD COUNTY
To write or to read? To dream or to draw?
These are two questions, two equations I am trying to put to rest in my mind this night.
im thiking about last night, how there were
Towers casting shadows on the moon
And layers of stone
like paper up against the sky
And a footpath down into it all.
And it was just so melancholy.
-there’ll be a photograph of it
inside a shoebox eventually,
won’t there be?
In the back corner of the house?
Wood panel walls
Crickets in the backyard
And an empty hammock with the smell of dried cotton rain.
All so real-
A dream kept alive by thick aromatic air
That carries the smell of barbecued food up through the trees
And over the fences and the cattle trailers
That a boy is resting upon-
a blue trailer, in this case.
Unknowingly He’s being watched
by someone perched again higher.
It’s spring and it’s the time to wake up
It has been winter for 6 months and that is not a lie.
Dealing asterisks and sniffs-
Give me that sweet nectar air again
21 mar 2026
——————————-
Today has been a day for music. I love albums that keep their magic to me after millions of play-throughs.
I woke up this morning to the smell of rain on cement and I knew it would be a day for Bon Iver’s self titled. There is no more seasonal guilt for listening to it at the wrong time. It’s the season. You have to listen with a window open and the breeze squeezing through. It has to be overcast, but not gloomy. other people may see sky and say it is gloomy. You may not feel gloomy: that is not allowed. You can feel melancholic at best. The point of this album is to put you into a reserve of your own emotion—a corner. A straggler behind a group seeing more than they do. The first time I ever listened to this album, I was 10. We were going to a nature reserve with our newly blended family. Mom and new dad, sisters and new sisters. We didn’t all fit in one car but we wanted to save gas, thus I was put in the trunk of the car. Somehow, perhaps out of pity, I was given my mom’s iPod. I had used it a lot recently- I was going through bouts of insomnia-- very scary for a 10 year old. I would go to sleep listening to Beethoven on my mom’s iPod. There were also games on it. One game was radial pong. So there I was , in the trunk of the car, on a black and dewy spring night, isolated from the rest of the family by sight and sound. My mom had saved Bon Iver’s Self Titled to her iPod. I didn’t have to sleep and therefore could listen to more than Beethoven. I chose the album for its cover. My family pulled in to Prairie Park Nature Reserve. They got out of the car and let me out of the trunk. I spent the entirety of the walk around Mary’s Lake slowly walking in the back of the party of 10 with both earbuds in. This was music I had never heard before! It was a spell being whispered into my ears.
I remember hearing “Michicant” and feeling like I had discovered an amazing secret. Something about the waltz rhythm and chimes. I was 10, alone, at the back of my ensemble, feeling conflicted about the new additions to our family, and feeling about as melancholic as a 10-year-old boy can. I was passing these deep greens and dying sidewalk lights of a dark Kansas nature preserve, discovering privately listening to music in a public space for the first time in my life.
And I had Michicant stick with me that week. I would try to hum or sing the melody in hopes my mom would pick up on it and ask me how I found her secret adult music. I went to my dad’s condo in Kansas City the week after, and while making grilled cheese I tried to listen to his music again. I did not know the name of the album because it was too confusing. But i did find it somehow. My dad was surprised I was listening to Bon Iver. He told me I was pronouncing it wrong: “Bone eevare, not bonn eyver.”
I rediscovered Bon Iver when I was 14.
It had felt like a lifetime had passed since 10. I again was feeling the maximum amount of melancholy that a child of that age could feel. It was the spring before the summer before high school and the dissolution of our friend group was imminent. I was nervous. And sad. I remember wrapping myself in our hammock one spring morning before school. I was in Kansas City, in our old brick lockridge house. It was 06:15 and we still had to drive the hour back to Lawrence for school. There was a soft blue against the tufty red of the hammock fabric and pale cream of the picnic blanket I swaddled myself in. And on came Bon Iver’s self titled. Again, i felt a secret being whispered into my ears. I felt like nothing else in the world could come close to how I was feeling!
And after consistent reappearances and resurgences in my music library patterns over the next seven years, it left quite a mark last year, on the spring of 2025.
This music makes me feel at home!
alive.
perfectly calm.
My friend emelia was visiting and I was stressed to have another soul to semi care for while I tried to finalize my final submission. But we knew and know each other. And the evenings that we sat in silence were amazing. I don’t think I ever played this music for the both of us , but it helped me. And the window was open and the breeze wheezed through and slammed my windows closed and open. And I was thinking of “Calgary,” and the most lovely sound of American sonic countryside. The small Midwest especially. I did become homesick. We went on a ghostly walk down Nový Svět ulice. Just the five of us- no performing artists, just us and the wind, shadow, and orange light. The wind was our primary companion that night.
And today I listened and I know
I will I will I will
think of this time in years to come and
I will
think certain things about
people, relationships, laughter I’ve had these days. And so I ought to cement it in for myself. For my future self. .
This is just only one of three beautiful wonderful albums I listened to today. One of three.
08 mar 2026
— last night at the bookstore —
——————————-
Last night at the bookstore
A guy named Ted came in
I was already talking with a guy named Ali
Ted came over and read to us “and to think I saw it on mulberry street”
We laughed and said thank you
Ted then wandered back to the children’s section
and brought back “The Giving Tree”
Ted did now a silent reading for us
of this book
32 pages flipped silently, with a rhythm.
Ali and I clapped when the book was over
It was a beautiful show.
Last night at the bookstore
I met two Swedish traveler vloggers
Who revealed to me that we had no antique postcards of Prague itself
That was funny
Last night at the bookstore
I spent so long decoding Antônia’s morse code note
it made me a very lousy worker indeed
it was plenty worth it
Last night at the bookstore
I talked to Ali from Aarhus for so long
That I only began to close at 20:55
And at that point I had not written many return notes to antônia
Although she isn’t working until Thursday
So when I finally finished closing, it was 21:40
And I clocked out and stayed another 20
But when I left
I still had forgotten one thing she had left me
I went in again and Eva was lurking in the kitchen eating a burrito
yum
I unlocked the bookstore again found Antônia had made me a chain of paper boats
I tied it to my bag
And they flew behind me
all the way home
now they hang in my window
ships sailing through the dusk
and every rising of the sun as well
05 mar 2025
03 mar 2026
— a quick breath —
——————————-
!
the moon was nice this evening.
the castle was one shade and I was another
fully shaded in.
thinking about being a bird, or the moon itself.
If i was, would i lose myself under the heavy fog? Lost in a time. losing the time too. I am in danger of that as well.
and If I haven’t become a bird yet, am I more of a cat or a dog? I was asked that today. Before we assigned a true definition to either option
on the bench looking at the stripes (and the stars).
maybe a dog. But at least not in real life. I don’t know the true mannerisms and sociality of all dogs- and at times I am definitely a fake dog.
maybe a dog who was raised with cats or more likely vice versa. is it not diminutive to liken oneself to some domesticated pet tho…
Cats also do not have morals. That is my final addition.
I keep biting my lip this week. I don’t know what that suggests.
also 27 feb 2026
— OH MY GOODNESS IT IS SPRING —
——————————-
THERE IS CLOSE TO NOTHING AS AMAZING AS A PRAGUE SPRING NIGHT. Of course, they can be banal, but ohhhhhh can they really be amazing. specifically great ones were the 17th April last year, or 24th March, or 17th May. These are very important dates, so remember them.
there is a specific hue of blue that the vltava reflects when you look south. and there is a stunning constellation of orange flickers off its soft crests. the bird might call, even if it is 6pm and you have just only left school. the bird chirps for you.
I am always telling about my relationship with the city: who won the battle today, yesterday. most days, I lose to the city.
but on wonderful spring Prague nights, the city embraces you— and it is one of the best hugs you will ever get.
a truce is called. Yes, Prague really does do this for you. You just have to try it soon
27 feb 2026
— this was my assignment —
——————————-
A wild extreme:
There is a diehard amateur astronomer. She cant fathom that other people do not look at the sky. She only opts for tall places to live outside of the city. She works as a planetarium front desk worker because that is the only job she can remotely get joy out of- nothing removed from astronomy is remotely interesting. She requires a job there where she is seated and relatively unbusy, because she gets no sleep. She, of course, needs to spend the night looking at the galaxy! She does not talk to others or have folks that she could call her friends. Her family dotes over her from time to time but she lives completely alone. She is in the weird age of being single between 30 and 40. and pours her money into her hobby obsession. She needs to live within the city to have a desk job at a planetarium but tries to live as far as possible outside the city. Her telescope collection is immense. She needs a residence that has direct access to a 25m^2 roof terrace or balcony, so that she can look directly up at the zenith of the night sky.
To look, she has a supermassive collection of telescopes. They take up 20m^2 inside the residence and need 2m width of clearance to move out to the balcony/roof terrace.
She lives in a 95m^2 apartment with 20% of the space taken up by telescopes and 10% dedicated to the accessibility pathways to move these telescopes outside.
She believes the space probe satellites in the galaxy (pioneer voyagers 10, 11), have gained consciousness after picking up on all our radio waves from over the years, and tries to communicate with them. She also therefore had quite the collection of satellite receivers out on her terrace.
50% of outdoor terrace space, which is 25m^2, is devoted to satellite dishes and access pathways.
she is also insanely nearsighted
09:00 memory path to bathroom: shower, mouthwash, toast with Nutella. Glasses ON. They are On a necklace. Hurriedly GET OUT OF HOUSE: Glasses become shaded.
10:30. must be at work. Nice that she misses rush hour. Metro and walk- cant do trams. Cuts though passages and the wider safe sidewalks.
11:00 Work in shady corner welcome desk. Quick, judgmental, odd public interactions with moms bringing their kids in. Glad to work entrance, so she does not have to see the customers after 5 minutes of interaction.
15:00 lunch break for her. Vending machine. Eats alone. Most interactions with coworkers are ones where she can barely see their facial expressions. Glad to finish.
18:00 work off. Hood up to get less sun, walks on the shady side of the street to metro. Avoids looking up at streetlights. Does not want eyes to adjust to daylight too much. Gets on the bus that will take her to the metro.
19:00 gets out of metro station and walks dedicated route to her apartment to get there as quickly as possible. sidewalk for the first 5 minutes, desire path that she has probably made completely by herself, and then 3 minutes of parking lots and sidewalks until the front door. She walked fast this time, passing that elderly man that she sees every day at the same time on the same path. As she gets in the front door, she can take off her glasses. handrail and stairs guide her all the way to the top of her building, where she lives. It is telescope and satellite time. Glasses are still off, no need to flip any light switches. Whole apartment is memorized. Another microwave dinner, no lights on in house. Her electricity bill is so low. Spends the next hour planning in her journal her evening: what galactic events are happening, which radio waves would have just reached the voyager satellites by now. Table for one, spork, hot plastic dinner, no dishes owned except cup. Sorts trash meticulously and needs a larger metal disposal bin than most.
20:30: time to start getting the telescopes in order. It is dark now so she goes into blind memory orientation mode in the apartment. Telescopes are ordered and prepared to wheel out to the balcony.
21:00 with a blindfold, walk out and Lie flat down on the terrace. take off blindfold. Telescope 1. Watch the blood moon. Wonder about how it will affect the customers tomorrow.
23:00 telescope 2. Watch for meteors. Makes wishes about social connections that may never happen.
00:00: Satellite communication time. Trace terrace tiles on all fours to find satellite setup #1. Ask Voyager 2 what she thinks about Elvis presley.
01:00 caught up in communion with Voyager 2. Subject has strayed into that woman she keeps seeing on the red line train at 10:30. She has let go of time, this is when she is free.
02:00 Check in with Pioneer 10. No answer. Crawl back over to Telescope #3 before bed, watch Saturns moons orbit and thinks about that pastor that tried to stop her on the street and get her to believe in a god. Gods are celestial objects. Getting chilly on the terrace. Not made for spending all night up there. Landlord does not like her spending all this time out there. says shes taking up the nicest apartment for no reason.
3:30: follow the tiles back inside. 5 left, 2 straight, door handle. 7 paces, right, door, bed. Flop into bed. Sleep for 5.5 hours.
22 feb 2026
— note to the reader —
——————————-
last night i wrote quite the discourse on personal faith on here. and then my computer died before i could publish it.
But i didn’t really forget it
its just not authentic to rewrite it
here.
14 Feb 2026
— Terrible Vlkovska Noc —
——————————-
Tonight I cycled past the room I lived in for my first year in Prague. It’s a 2nd story window on Vlkova street with the cathedral just 50 meters to the east.
I remember being so thankful for that window. There was a chance I could have gotten a room where I had to split a window with my roommate. There was also a chance I could have gotten a roommate that had worse hygiene than George did. I can still perfectly see the freshly laundered underwear George would lay out that had too many holes in the seat, and the way he would sleep with his mouth open and falling off his bed when he would come back from drinking. That smell of stale alcohol breath is something I am glad I have never had to experience again. I had a kitchen that I didn’t know was too small. The kitchen only had a microwave and double stovetop. We had a mini fridge between the 5 of us in that apartment and I realized now that thank goodness none of us were impulsive or hoarding food-buyers. I bought myself one pot-pan hybrid, one knife, one spoon, and one fork. One plate and one bowl. One large plastic spoon and one large plastic fork that were supposed to be salad tongs but worked for stirring my rice. My mom eventually gave me a spatula for Christmas. My first meals I cooked for myself were dismal. I went hardest on the sandwiches: zaparovy chléb, šunka, sýr, hummus. Možné červené paprika. Každý den. My first rice dishes were also dismal. Just rice and beans and peppers. I don’t think I owned any seasonings at all my first semester beyond salt. It’s so sad to look back on what I ate. It’s sad because it’s not that I had to eat at that level, but it’s sad because I just didn’t know how to cook better! On Sundays I would make a six-cheese Mac and cheese. I also cut my own hair, at which I was terrible. I had one mirror, and one pair of scissors in Prague with me. I would stand in the mirror in the bathroom and think I was doing a good job. Only I look back now and see only minutest changes in hair length. The bathroom always smelled of old rim attachment cleaners and could turn very bad once the fellow next door hung his laundry (which had been washed in the sink from what we could tell) up to dry on the towel rack. There were silverfish eventually too. I think I cleaned that bathroom 5x more than each other kid who used it. The bathroom and kitchen had no windows. My bedroom had a desk, a bed, and a bed and two flat shelves.
The desk and the window transmogrified into my life orb. Snow globe, I suppose. It was there I ate my first bowl of mysli with the giant plastic spoon because I didn’t have a normal sized spoon yet. And It is where I put the final finishing touches on my AD2 tunnel model- something I was really proud of. In between, I created more cardboard shelves, a cardboard desk organizer, wrote several essays (that all received A’s from Elan), and countless calls with Julia. It’s where I designed my winning pasta bridge out of spaghetti and tape, and engineered a meter of wooden dowel to hold a Prague street paver stone. It was a terrible desk, all fake wood veneer and a middle strut that prevented the heater from doing any good, but when combined with my window, it was like I actually had a private room. I didn’t have to look at George, or pay attention to him. When I taught him, a business major, how to do calculus, I did that at his desk. He dropped out VŠE the next semester. My window slowly became ornamented with a new generation of memory scraps, continuing the pattern I had started at home in 2020. I found a discarded jade plant in a cheez ball tub in the dumpster one morning as I was taking out the trash, which I saved and brought back to life. I watched Ilinca’s plants over the winter, and when she returned she gifted me a succulent in return. That succulent bloomed one slender spiraling flower in April just as I was blooming too. So it was me in my window, succulents, scraps of paper taped to the wall, desk protector cut through with x-acto knives; It really does not sound very bad. I look back though and wish I had not wasted so much time. I was stuck in this city and this room and this class full of new people and yet I was insisting I stay tied to this link at home. And what for?someone to talk to. But I was in a city filled with people to talk to! People who had also just moved far from home. When I talked about making these new friends, the friends I should have been making more of, there was no positives or congratulations from home. I was silly to expect to get them from a long-distance unstable relationship, but it still stung. But by the end of spring, it enabled me to put my perspective together on the matter.
So when I biked by tonight, there was a rush knowing I had graduated from that dark window
. …Been defenestrated from my first-year-in-Prague self. I looked at the dark window and imagined myself two years ago sitting inside on a FaceTime call in a smelly room with a drunk roommate. What joy. What a good first year. I was very happy to get back on my bike and cycle away.
13 Feb 2026
— Tuning back into
Me v. The City —
——————————-
I feel at home in the city. I listened to tears for fears as I biked the nabřeží on my way to meet Lucia for the Rudolfinium opening on wednesday. And then ukendt kunstner on the metro gennem byen on the way home from the bookstore tonight where Gloria told me about her predicament and I thought she was right on target.
There is a certain harmony music must have with the city you are in. And the best way to obtain that harmony is not by finding the right music, haha, but through being on the streets of the city for a painfully long time in the cold and only having those songs which you then begrudgingly make into a playlist. The playlist will turn out to be the best one since october.
Whats the link there between the two?
For me, its the land and a bike.
There is not much I want to say. I’ve been feeling like maybe I am living life too loosely lately. I feel this way because I am getting embarrassed a little more often than normal.
I went to Hansen’s ep křest show last night but accidentally showed up an hour before the opening act started.
that is like the least embarrassing of them all.
I am also terrified to go back home. It feels like just exactly what i set out not to do: return to the USA as soon as my bachelor degree ended.
I feel like kicking and screaming!
Till late september. early october. and then I can be gone for two years.
When i finish, I can jump straight into living elsewhere, no? Erasmus internship maybe even possible. probably not though. Just give me that RAA internship. I’ll live with uncle nate and get to experience that world for once.
Last summer was fine because I got to be in another state for so long. This summer, not the case.
But i need to remember that I don’t need to feel like an outcast there. I have all these frail connections currently, and am thinking that none of them will grow. But thats not necessarily true!
And martha hansen always has some activity trip up her sleeve. New Jersey, England, Ventura, I could do that too. ragh. Maybe I could do that july-september… no i gotta get that free rent. sorry this is just me thinking. Once I get back, I can work 5 months somewhere awesome, and then get even more awesome money being a coordinator for FSY. or not even do that and just continue working a job that I want somewhere else in the world. Denmark is a beautiful option. I might speak a completely new language by then. I also don’t have to make it too known that I’ll be back in Lawrence.
This is especially tearing me up because Lawrence is MY PLACE. and yet it feels like its been absorbed by others and that I have lost it. Like im unwelcome or something. This is just how I feel writing about it at 01.00, though. I am getting overwhelmed by all that I have to do right now, or should be doing.
List of what I should be doing right now but I am not:
- looking for feasible internship in Prague for now
- Looking for feasible internship online for now
- Getting my Visa documentation together and scheduling an appointment
- Brushing my teeth
- editing a Beyond The States video
- paying my rent
- sleeping
- paying my tithing
- writing a story instead of mental notes
- emailing Ian Hurst
- sleeping
- thinking about a girl
- grocery shopping
- cooking
- cooking the recipe that the girl gave me
- making a mug design for the globe
- reading about what I need my team to do for tuesday
- burning CDs for my Globe shift tomorrow
- sleeping
- making more globe labels
- picking out a new book to read
- fixing my flat tire
- sleeping
BUT LETS FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES
- I (and my group) had a very chill and low-feedback presentation session today after doing minimal work between tuesday and friday- we had set the standard for everyone else to catch up to!
- I went on a wonderfully nice date on wednesday!
- I have the best connection to class mates that I have had to date at ARCHIP
- I obtained an invite to the ambassador’s art and wine night in march!! (need to find a date)
- It actually paid off to attend the Hansen ep křest show last night.
- my room is set up quite well
- I shouldn’t complain about seeming like I don’t have my life together when i literally have the next three years planned.
- I will get to spend a lot of time with my siblings this summer. Yes, that is very important.
I need a project for the summer. Tessa and Milo post offices of Kansas book?
I’ve been thinking for a long time about what new construction and development areas will look like in 50 years.
But, won’t they just look rattier?
No!
They will have like 10 meter tall trees.
and that is very important. Its when these structures will no longer appear alien and uncomfortably placed into the city. It is also why architectural visualizations are so moving. they’re a picture of the project 50 years from the date it begins construction, but still looks perfect and has massive trees.
There is a song right now that I listen to called hang on the wall what you kill.
16 aug 2025
— CHARGING STATION —
——————————-
Why were you so grumpy?.
Why did you not feel the same as I did?
What is there to enjoy. Its 7 o’clock and we’re only in Salina.
the dogs have to be outside and I have to charge the car
all of these are givens though
But i don’t say that
ok fair
Hey can you take their leash out of the back.
Yea-
isn’t the bug drone and bug humidity kind of just a nice-
-hey mjb ca you just be quiet for a second im trying to figure this out
yeap.
oh and hey can you also take out the brown blanket from the back and lay it on the grass
,,mmhm..
drurgmgh!!
here vi over here.
sit.
mmhm good girl.
zuko!
yap!
yank
*eeeoowwwwwwwwwoooeeeeewwwwwwweeeeooooooeeewwwwwwweeoeooooooooeewwwwwwwwweeeeeooooooooeeewwwwww*
whine
hey dad im going to run to the bathroom the dogs are wrapped up
kay!.
dingddiindging
hi
grmph
oh uh can I use the restroom? If you just mopped here don’t want to walk on the wet floor
sure thing i just mopped it though so walk slow and don’t get it too muddy now
you got it maam.
That was the cleanest bathroom i’ve seen all week. great job thanks for cleaning for us.
had to.
you have a great day now
dingddiindging
eeeoowwwwwwwwwoooeeeeewwwwwwweeeeooooooeeewwwwwwweeoeooooooooeewwwwwwwwweeeeeooooooooeeewwwwww*
blanket is too hot to fall asleep on
but i rinsed my face in the bathroom
and its now soaking up kansas
you know how it never can really evaporate from your face
but one small breeze is bliss.
for what its worth- i got only two smelly car dogs laying besides me on an unwashed quilt.
but i was back
and that was what was
27 jan 2026
— THE LAST CYCLE UP DRONNING MARGARETHES VEJ —
——————————-
Bikes home with head crooked.
Missed things the whole season so far.
Golden rooms behind no curtains-
you could be living that!
It was the simplest bike ride up the hill so far. No wind,
no howls.
Last bike ride up the hill.
There was a period months ago where he had to walk the bike up the hill a few times due to exhaustion.
That was not a good period.
and yet now, with head crooked on
Bucky, there’s no “I’ve made it” feeling. All these things never noticed.
24 jan 2026
— COWBIRD BLUES —
——————————-
time to go.
somewhere you aint been yet?
no. which is good, I think.
I am weary of this cycle of goodbyes and “last days.”
its not fair to have a plethora of “final days” at twenty-one years old.
Yes.
And is it better to make them more or less personally significant?
mm
less personally significant. right now.
It would be more important if I had a home goal set in mind.
hence the dreams of lawrence
and dreams of Kansas elsewhere.
sure
I think we’ll always dream Kansas.
Thats not too special now, is it? I dream of a day, and I don’’t know if I should be, of a day where i am tired of the familiarity. i want to have friends i know too well. I want to have already told them everything. I want to decide I have no prospects left. I do not want to feel it imposed on me from the start. I want to have the same friend group over the course of years. I want to be able to do anything or say anything with them. I want to have a nest. I do not have a nest now, but i’ve put sticks all over.
and so to shame with the new? I have a headache now even just looking in to your future.
Yes, to shame with the now.
My devotions are laid in other’s nests. And then the time to fly away again comes.
construction on the nest is not planned to have a positive derivative until late 2028
maybe you are a cowbird.
i think that could be so.
21 jan 2026
— FAMILY HISTORY —
——————————-
have you ever been known by a street?
When the soil under the sidewalk can tell you your story, your childhood? The brick hums under your bare feet and the trees sway and bend hello.
and they come back alive if they can.
Hair curls- mosquito bites- Freckles reappear.
Have you smelled that herb potion, that you left in their basement?
i’ve gone back once each season. I can’t remember what remains and what is gone from my time. I feel guilty. Each time i go back i don’t spend much time. But i know it remembers me. The curb gutters do, and the puddles in the alleyway. Bike tires and bare feet; welcome-home divot rhythms and hot tubs on hot days. lemon balm and mint kiddy-pools on the other side of a slammed mother-made screen door.
couldn’t afford a new one. it was solid on its own and mom had the sisters come over and patch it one day. their sun stiches stayed until the family moved out.
18 jan 2126
— FAMILY HISTORY —
——————————-
.when i was young, my dad told me that my great grandfather was a guy named Jon W. Hillmon. We married some girl named sallie i think and then just disappeared after that.
uh aw im sorry
i was gonna ask if you ever saw him before that
but
i guess thats a stupid question
gosh well its fine its not even that recent i don’t care jusst thought it was applicable to the situation
you’re welcome to tell me more
we’ve got all the time in the universe
ok
don’t try to be existential just trying to lighten the mood
What they know is this: he left with a guy to look for… i think it was an area for him to start a farm. or was it a cattle ranch?
the guy who he was with was named john brown actually
but not that john brown
[laughter]
hahah yeah
[laughter]
ok
it wasn’t that funny you can stop
ok yeah sorry don’t know why i thought that was funny
just not a lot of things to laugh about i guess
sure
so anyway
um
where was i
john brown
no before that
oh uh cattle farm
yea ok so my old man leaves shortly after getting married to sallie. we guess that he was trying to get more money for his new sweet bride
who is also my great grandmother
maybe i should mention at this point that this is probably the point that my grandma was conceived
is that tmi
i meann
its how all of our stories start
its not odd kid carry on
right. so he’s on his cattle-ranch-searching-expedition with john. jon and john out on the great plains.
sorry, wait, was this all in Kansas?
yea. Jon and Sallie had originally settled in north lawrence. i always imagined their place up by that vineyard and event space thats up by where my sister stole the water melon, the horse window, and the lake i always forget exists that has great lily blossoms in early autumn.
mm. I completely know the spot. go on.
ok i am really bad at telling this story up to this point i am surprised you are still interested. I haven’t even gotten to the part that tells you why i am telling you this story.
…
ok OK i obviously take that as a “go on.” so he leaves ok! he leaves and he’s huntin for land with the other john.
how interesting!
SHUT UP!
Oh i forgot to say that before he left i’m not sure who told him to do it but he gets some pretty serious life insurance. like a very high number of dollar policy. we’ve always chalked it up to the south-east corner of Kansas being a sort of whirlwind of unclaimed territory with natives and outlaws and bad snakes and everything.
doesn’t want to leave his new wife more penniless than they already are i guess. so he leaves but He comes back after a while. To Lawrence. i think its the winter at this point
and he gets another insurance policy..?
and at least a smallpox shot
like a vax
… what do they call
what did they call those back in the day
[laughter] they were called vaccines, of course.
oh
duh ok well im dumb. its just that its been so long and i haven’t even been to school in so long and
[laughter] its okay it does not matter. go on again.
He goes back down to south east kansas after getting his smallpox sho.. vaccine. he takes it slow a few days but yeah goes back down and meets Mr. john brown imposter again to look for better land.
.
Within a couple days, john brown shows up, alone, in the nearest town, which is called Medicine Lodge i think.
Medicine Lodge! Are you serious?
at least if i am remembering correctly.
I’ve lived there. across the street from the red caboose. right off the main street. ooold, old house.
huh! small world. or small.. state, i guess. whatever. i wouldn’t be surprised if you were like my long-lost cousin or something. anyway.
John Brown imposter shows up in town and tells the town that while the two of them were setting up camp at nearby Crooked Creek, there was a firearms misfire and jon, my great granddad, was shot. John reported in immediately from their camp on Crooked Creek and proclaims that Jon was dead. hey maybe you were even there for this
careful now. I’m not that old.
We’ll both be old enough if this state continues on!
anyway this always sounded sketch to me as a kid but i was told it was somewhat normal in those days. lots of people with guns and lots of no gun safety training. BUT! now graddad Jon is dead. they take his body into town and bury him there.
poor guy.
word gets back to poor sallie. shes penniless and distraugth probably but hey- her husband sure bought a lot of insurance!
i know you’re calling me old but it really just seems like they could get away with anything back in the day. Insurance fraud was probably never as easy as it was for them then.
wait you’re calling it insurance fraud?!
you are just like everyone else. who has ever heard me tell this story.
and you’re like the insurance company itself, you old crone.
well what did the insurance company say?
they said it was also insurance fraud bozo.
they had been getting a lot of claims recently of the same type i think. and also they said that there was no way great granddad jon could even pay the premium that was necessary for all his life insurance policies. but i think thats mostly slander. who’s to say.
these insurance money goblins get so mad when Sallie comes to them, they request my great granddad’s body literally be exhumed from Medicine Lodge and carried by wagon and train all the way back to lawrence.
ok maybe i remember that part
no you don’t that was literally like 1877 or something are you that old
you wouldn’t know would you
yeah. maybe you were already dead at that point.
they take the body back to lawrence and suddenly this woman from wichita comes out and claims that her husband is #1: missing #2. wrote her a VERY suspicious letter that dubiously and perfectly says that he recently agreed to work for John Brown for “wages he couldn’t deny” or something like that. air quotes. She like pops up out of nowhere
wichita is not nowhere watch your words
yes it is.
and she produces this letter. they TAKE THE CORPSE of my granddad, which has just been shipped hours in the hot kansas weather, and take him out of the coffin and take photos of his decaying face and claim that this corpse is the corpse of this other guy that the wichita lady is married to. or was seeing or something.
shes just trying to scam my sallie out of insurance money that will keep our family afloat
well i feel like its necessary to look at this from a non-biased perspective an-
hey buster its me telling the story here
is it a story or is it a historical event
…
both?
well tell it true
sallie took it to the supreme court. and they never gave her the money. my grandma had to be adopted cuz my great granma was fighting the case. trying to fight to show that this decaying corpse was indeed her husband.
and to think, what a terrible fate it would be indeed even if it was not her husband’s corpse. Jon still being out there, waiting to come out of hiding and live an economically better life with his still-new bride. but he never can, and i guess, never could? or never did? whatever happened, neither of those men were ever seen again.
well my Jon never did come out of hiding, because those are his bones laying in Lawrence’s Oak Hill Cemetary! he was dead. from the start. bozo.
but then what had become of the wichita wife’s man who said he was going off to work with jon brown? or jon brown himself? did Mr. brown get a cut of the insurance fund?
I just know my family’s side. the wichita man was probably sent off to go “accidentally” kill another man just like Brown did my granddaddy.
you said Sallie took it to court. Did they ever find out which man’s body it was?
they exhumed the body for like the fifth time about a century ago, in 2006. some professors with decent enough archaeologist skills but i think i could have done it all myself. cuz then i would have actually known. I would be able to tell instantly. but they only exhumed a few fragments. the body hass decayed a lot by then in the kansas dirt.
they took its remains to Fraser. Fraser hall. My dead 150-year old great granddaddy’s remains being dissected in fraser hall.
and?
still no conclusion. LJWorld went radio silent. and closed down a few years after that. Nothing was ever published, no laws ever changed, no juries ever swayed. no money ever given back. all we believe is Jon is sitting somewhere on a ranch full of cattle with pockets full of greenbacks.
and maybe he’s doing that and still alive.
how would that even work
if it works for me its gotta work for him.
hm wait
16 jan 2025
— CANDLES —
***800 cherries***
——————————-
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**
.
oh sorry
ej no its okay
ha
its just a candle
why have you put candles on your bike
im not really sure i wasn’t using them for anything else
and so you just decided to light your bike up
with them
?
I will be honest I would not have come up with that idea myself
.
.
.
.
well i dreamed about it'
.
i thought it would be cool anyway
it is pretty cool
.
don’t the candles blow out when you start going again
sometimes. i got this tho to help. from my dad
oh. ok yeah nice
i ahve one of those too
sometimes i take it to school even
no way
i think ive seen you there some times but i ndidn’t think youd be the type of person to bring a lighter to school
I was the one who lit pieces of toilet paper in the bathroom
that was you! nobody ever figured out who it was. I still remember the smell of burnt toilet peper and toilet water from last year.
I guess i
I had a dream last night too.
.
.
14 jan 2025
— the angle of the sun at 14:26 on fourteenth january —
***800 cherries***
——————————-
Oh we’re back
hello world
the world is not listening
i am optimistic at least. I am also feeling nostalgic and
you have slept for how many hours in the last two days?
less than i could have but that is not really anything new i just handed in my final project this morning with amy
you have slept eight hours out of the last fifty-eight hours.
and normally i feel some adequately-large feeling of satisfaction upon submitting my big projects but something about this one (I think its the fact that it is a partner project) has me feeling pretty unsatisfied with it all.
You are falling asleep writing this. it is only 17. the room has turned dark around the corners of your eyes and yet you’re nervous to go to sleep.
you are right. there is some unique feeling here today. The combination of the precise angle of the sun at 14, the original cycle home, the conversation with Matilde over spicy noodles about nothing at all, the impending duration of eternity, potential, missed cues, the two boys in my room last night, animal crackers coming alive, white lies and brazen over-sharing in dialogue, and no basket on my bike anymore all combine into what you are picking up on.
your mustache is having adverse effects on you. It needs to be cut before you get shorter hair. if you keep it on i think it just doesn;t go together. The mustache police have been calling my line, which you need to change by the way.
also need to do my finances.
07 jan 2025
— Edition II of TFCC —
***turn on ‘through’ by 800 cherries now***
——————————-
Hello!
hello welcome to the second edition of telegraphs from cloud county
aka transcribed day dreams yes ok. I think whats going on is dumb whatever this is
no but its like a text message
i guess
this way its like you can have a conversation with youself and its like a way to get the full story out from all sides
maybe i don’t agree with you though alll the time
exactly i think thats okay
and i think ur dumb
i think thats okay too
well anyways i have been watching a lot of these facebook videos made by this dad in kansas and he makes these videos of small towns in kansas and they are all overly optimistic. like each town was a secret that he just discovered.
except all the towns he goes to are identical.
i think he really does find these identical tiny towns in kansas sweet and moving. there is nothing going for them. in maybe 50 years half of them will be ghost towns.
he could just be in it for the cash grab. i mean its a video that is bound to do well on facebook. Think of all the old depressed facebook moms who sit at home in kansas who are watching them. one reel after another about ulysses kansas. or elmdale. or Corona. towns they knew that will die soon and this is their last telegraph of life before they disappear.
exactly and to that point there is nothing redeeming about any part of his videos. in each one he says “anyways, heres some photos i took today.”
and they are always terrible photos.
but at least he knows how to use the saturation and contrast sliders!
i think he’s stuck in this feedback loop where someone who cares too much will comment with enthusiasm and maybe not even about his photos but he thinks he has gotta keep it up
but he does take good drone footage. and i would have never learned about any of these western kansas tiny towns if it wasn’t for him. Or all the random national monuments that are sitting in the middle of fields in kansas.
did you know there was a castle built in the great depression in coranado heights?
i think its called the heights because there is one hill and having that one hill means you can see for 20 miles in all directions
yes true but anyway on top of that hill is the castle and they built it because montezuma and his band of explorers came through that exact spot looking for the seven cities of gold. chainmail was found in the nearby creek.
its not much of a castle. it has nervous graffiti painted right on the limestone by edgy small town western kansas teens
but the top has picnic tables and is genuinely a very sweet vista. It is officially on the bucket list.
and all of these towns have like no grass. its just twenty-foot wide roads that divide parking lots and dirt lots. the grass is typically found in the water tower block, which has a park underneath it. each watertower has its town name painting on it, just in case you forgot it after seeing the giant singular grain elevator that also has the town name painted on it.
but sometimes the town name has a cute little character painted with it. or some towns are so united by their high school that the mascot/lettermark is on there.
in a small town there is nothing else to do but support the local high school’s sports teams. and that is why their historically successful seasons seem to be thrust into your awareness just after spending five minutes in the town.
but in one video he mentioned this town that had such a good football coach that their boys 1A-2A football team went undefeated for 5 years and won each game by an average margin of 64 points.
which probably means nothing since its a 1A-2A school like who do they even play they got like local huckboy jesse who weighs 120 pounds playing DLine
True and thats kinda more entertaining. There is even a new york times best seller book written about this town: “Our Boys: A Perfect Season on the Plains,” which i actually kinda want to read now.
theres two books at the Globe that are of Kansas origin. One of them obvs Truman Capote in Cold Blood, which i am sad to say that our used copy with copious notes and highlighted phrases just recently sold. the other one is a memoir that i kinda imagine being like my name is Lucy Barton where its just about how living and growing up more like was influential on this writer mom. figure.
its not that the autobiography person necessarily did much at all its more just like ahhh wheat and air and bugs and gold colors and not seeing anybody new for 5 years and i probbably had an abusive dad. Hah the one im talking about it is even written by some lady with the last name smarsh
which is close to Marsh which you know them…
ok i didn’t even read the summary for the second book i was talking about until now and i perfectly guessed it actually. it is uncannily similar to my name is Lucy Barton. I left out the part about poverty but hopefully one can tell that i was trying to imply it.
Hm. Smarsh is right that the people living in these small towns are automatically perceived as low in americas meritocracy levels or whatever. like you walk into the gas station as a road tripper and you instantly assume that this person behind the counter has no hopes and dreams and furthermore has nothing going for them. how like not true!
though its insane that in one of the reels you watched about these small towns that you had thought you had been to the one in the video this last summer but i found out no because the grain silo-railroad lot was not immediately adjacent to the water tower-park lot in the one in the video. and the dollar general was in a different spot in relation to those two. its not an alternate universe town its just a town 50 miles to the west. isn’t that so laughable
I was talking about small towns with anna Karla and longer ago ingeborg for some reason. it is decided that small towns are the defining urban basis of the nation they are in. the big difference though that we talked about is how these small towns are Soso SO less safe and desirable in the united states of america. you just feel unsafe always in them. ingeborg immediately felt it. and i immediately felt comfortable in the first small town i visited in denmark. Maybe i can’t say the same about czech small towns but Pardubice had plenty of charm.
it was not really small though. panelaks and its not small anymore
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